Diglossia Girl

I've lived my life guarded,
hardened on the outside,
but fragile in my heart.

With you, I feel vulnerable.
And for the first time
I'm letting my defenses fall.

These walls are crumbling,
shattering like mountains of ice
but I am not resisting.

My mind needs no convincing
You are everything to me,
a love that was not procured.

Your love has captivated me,
but the distance is agonizing.
So anxious I could die.

I want to drop everything,
forget about life for a moment or two
and run to you.

You could catch me in your arms,
twirl me 'round and 'round.
We would dance the night away.

Embrace one another as the sun begins to set,
then cuddle beneath the galaxy.
on a blanket of country prairie.

Hold me indefinitely
and proclaim your love to me.
My heart is forever yours.

Nothing more could stand between
if we forgot about life for a moment or two
and I ran to you.

On a merry-go-round that just keeps turning,
going 'round and 'round,
the world around me--spinning.

Dizzying thoughts elude my mind
causing chaos and confusion,
not a stable thing in view.

I fear that I am falling now,
swirling deeper into this chaos.

My heart has left me comatose,
yet there is one thing I wish I knew...
who will catch me at the end?

Thoughts ticking through time
Tick tock
Tiny traces tracking turns

Tilted tiles turning tender
Thunk thwack
This thought train thunders.

Living in a world of ease and convenience,
pressing buttons or fiddling our thumbs
measuring patience in microwave time

Flowing with the crowd,
believing everything we're told,
no longer questioning lies,
no longer educating our minds.

Why commit to memory
the knowledge that Siri can share?
This is a generation of fools.

Love between two souls is not bound by flesh,
cannot be oppressed by gender or sex.
Oh, if only I had known.

In the years of my youth, I loved you.
A time before I knew or understood
the magic and beauty
of one woman's love for another.

I dream of you from time to time,
close my eyes and taste the smile on your lips
curl my fingers around your brunette strands
surrender to these desires I possess.

Time and circumstance have come between.
Is it too late to kindle this flame?
This passion has always been,
but only recently did I cease to contend.

Could you ever love me?

I try to escape myself,
this silent disarray.
I'm screaming inside,
begging my heart to stay.

Yet it lunges for you,
a girl whose lips I have dreamt to kiss,
whose skin I have yearned to caress.

My heart, it wants to be with you.
My mind, it weighs the impossibilities,
attempts to find a different fate.
Yet it is you for whom my heart does ache.

Like jaded leaves in the dawn of autumn,
water droplets fall from my eyes.
I have wasted my time trying,
trying to do what--you say--is right.
My strength has withered.

Like a flower in the dead of winter,
I have a choice to make.
Will I die from the
breath
of your cold heart,
or will I  bloom again?

My strength has withered,
but I will choose to fight.
Like a vine in the breach of summer,
I will  go my own way,
unhindered by your boundaries
and unrestricted by your careless words.

Emotions rise like waves of volcanic fire.
Swish, gloop, blubble.

A feeling hard in my chest--tightening,
clenching.
Heat moves through my veins,
taking over like a web of endless strands.

Sirens echo in my head.
Chaos stirs.
Altert, alert.

Blackness settles. Suddenly everything
shatters
like breaking glass.

My world seems stark,
empty and vacant,
with nowhere to turn.
I speak, but there is no one close enough to hear.

This silence is heavy,
a cocoon of my own mind.