Diglossia Girl

I've lived my life guarded,
hardened on the outside,
but fragile in my heart.

With you, I feel vulnerable.
And for the first time
I'm letting my defenses fall.

These walls are crumbling,
shattering like mountains of ice
but I am not resisting.

My mind needs no convincing
You are everything to me,
a love that was not procured.

Your love has captivated me,
but the distance is agonizing.
So anxious I could die.

I want to drop everything,
forget about life for a moment or two
and run to you.

You could catch me in your arms,
twirl me 'round and 'round.
We would dance the night away.

Embrace one another as the sun begins to set,
then cuddle beneath the galaxy.
on a blanket of country prairie.

Hold me indefinitely
and proclaim your love to me.
My heart is forever yours.

Nothing more could stand between
if we forgot about life for a moment or two
and I ran to you.

On a merry-go-round that just keeps turning,
going 'round and 'round,
the world around me--spinning.

Dizzying thoughts elude my mind
causing chaos and confusion,
not a stable thing in view.

I fear that I am falling now,
swirling deeper into this chaos.

My heart has left me comatose,
yet there is one thing I wish I knew...
who will catch me at the end?

Thoughts ticking through time
Tick tock
Tiny traces tracking turns

Tilted tiles turning tender
Thunk thwack
This thought train thunders.

Living in a world of ease and convenience,
pressing buttons or fiddling our thumbs
measuring patience in microwave time

Flowing with the crowd,
believing everything we're told,
no longer questioning lies,
no longer educating our minds.

Why commit to memory
the knowledge that Siri can share?
This is a generation of fools.

Love between two souls is not bound by flesh,
cannot be oppressed by gender or sex.
Oh, if only I had known.

In the years of my youth, I loved you.
A time before I knew or understood
the magic and beauty
of one woman's love for another.

I dream of you from time to time,
close my eyes and taste the smile on your lips
curl my fingers around your brunette strands
surrender to these desires I possess.

Time and circumstance have come between.
Is it too late to kindle this flame?
This passion has always been,
but only recently did I cease to contend.

Could you ever love me?

I try to escape myself,
this silent disarray.
I'm screaming inside,
begging my heart to stay.

Yet it lunges for you,
a girl whose lips I have dreamt to kiss,
whose skin I have yearned to caress.

My heart, it wants to be with you.
My mind, it weighs the impossibilities,
attempts to find a different fate.
Yet it is you for whom my heart does ache.

Like jaded leaves in the dawn of autumn,
water droplets fall from my eyes.
I have wasted my time trying,
trying to do what--you say--is right.
My strength has withered.

Like a flower in the dead of winter,
I have a choice to make.
Will I die from the
breath
of your cold heart,
or will I  bloom again?

My strength has withered,
but I will choose to fight.
Like a vine in the breach of summer,
I will  go my own way,
unhindered by your boundaries
and unrestricted by your careless words.

Emotions rise like waves of volcanic fire.
Swish, gloop, blubble.

A feeling hard in my chest--tightening,
clenching.
Heat moves through my veins,
taking over like a web of endless strands.

Sirens echo in my head.
Chaos stirs.
Altert, alert.

Blackness settles. Suddenly everything
shatters
like breaking glass.

My world seems stark,
empty and vacant,
with nowhere to turn.
I speak, but there is no one close enough to hear.

This silence is heavy,
a cocoon of my own mind.

Confusion weaves through my mind,
wraps around my heart,
and settles here with you.

I try to love you through and through
give you everything I have
just hoping, perhaps,
it will be enough for you.

Your words are paper,
paper which I have shred
Torn and thrown to the ground,
left to rest upon asphalt in the blazing sun.

My foot covers them as I disregard
your sharp, bitter perceptions.
You will not prosper in your negativity.

You have no hold on me.
No, not anymore. I have opened my wings.

Allowing myself to blossom,
like an undying, never-wilting
flower.

A lily saturated with beauty,
a rose captured by sweet essence and grace.
I am a flower, acceptable for who I am.
I will not be your metamorphosis.

This is who I choose to be.

Like being in another realm,
a different world--full of wonder,
chaos and alacrity.

Far into the depths of something I cannot understand
My heart feels pain, agony, joy
and yet peace.
Life is no longer a battlefield.

life
a bittersweet catastrophe
melodious hurricane
a tide ebbing
flowing
never-ending

life
a flower
blossoming
peaceful disposition
beauty
undefined

Only work when the weather is nice
hold your mouth just right
maybe you'll catch your dinner tonight.

Swirls of colors elude my mind
like multi-colored candy canes
and prismed oil.
I'm slowly suffocating.

Darkness blurs my sight.
It lures me in like an ocean's tide,
washes me to shore
and yet pulls me back into its depth.

Like being in another realm,
a different world--full of wonder,
chaos,
alacrity.

Far into the depths of something I cannot understand.
My heart feels pain, agony, joy, and yet peace.
Life is no longer a battlefield.

Majestic swirls of rainbow pink and orange
painted on the heavenly sky
a bright, celestial sun, resting for the night

Today I am a little child, afraid of everything.
I look away from you in my own insecurities
and I cling to my beloved doll
for she seems my only friend.

This is who I am today, but tomorrow
I may be a woman of elegance
and of great wisdom.

I am afraid to love today;
I am afraid I may lose my way.
I turn away from you in my own instability
and I cling to my journal
for it seems my only confidant.

This is who I am today, but tomorrow
I may dive in.
Tomorrow, I may take a risk.

Be patient with me, my love.
Give me time to grow,
for I am a little child
afraid of everything.

The winds whisper softly
and the trees speak with a silent wave
Leaves fly, sending messages unknown

I look into the sky and I see no sun.
It's becoming dark all around.
The air is still, slightly frightening,
but I am not afraid, for love moves through me.

I cannot see my past, nor my future.
Hardly can I see what surround me now.
All I know is love.

All I knew before I have forgotten,
petty things no longer hold meaning.
For it was then that I was so blind.

I stand now with so many questions,
so many things to learn
in a world that I cannot relate to.

The winds continue to whisper,
the trees still speak.
And the leaves are carrying on.

I know all I need to know.
All I know is love.

This mother is great,
simply because she always cares.
She always shows her love
the best that she knows how.

Although her children may sometimes think
she does not do quite as well as another could,
they should always know:
this mother tries her very best.

Each mother has her very own fingerprint.
She has a special way, all of her own,
to say that she loves you.

I thank you, Mother, for taking all you know
and trying your very best to raise four children
all on your own.
Thank you, Mother, for helping them grow.

Although they may not see
the tender care and love you show,
let this poem brighten your day
reminding you that this mother is great.

Simply because she tries her very best.